Tag Archives: support systems

Who Has a Seat on Your Life Board™?

You have people around you, but are they the right people? It’s easy to let life get you wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of things. Before you know it, you have 700 friends on social media and don’t really know 100 of them. True story! Some of us may have even been filling seats just so they won’t be empty.

My mentor and coach, Dr. Dharius Daniels, often says something that is so essential when it comes to relationships: “Access is a privilege, not a right. It’s earned, not owed. Don’t allow people to mismanage their access to you.”

3 Questions to Ask Before Giving Someone Access to Your Life:

Are they aligned with my values? Examine whether their character, priorities, and behaviors support the life you’re intentionally building.

Now that you are well-versed in the seven different members you should have on your Life Board™, it’s time to hone in on the assessment of values. It is true: birds of a feather flock together. I have been able to sit on a dock of the Mississippi River in Louisiana and just observe the wildlife. What I find very interesting is how, if one bird flies in a certain direction, all the others do the same. I know we are not talking about wildlife, but we are talking about human nature. It is quite common to begin to do and say the same things as the persons you spend the most time with.

Is the relationship reciprocal? Consider whether support, encouragement, and effort flow in both directions.

Most people have been in a lopsided relationship at some point in their lives. It doesn’t feel good at all to end up being the person who carries a relationship. Don’t get me wrong; I know that relationships are never really 50/50 or equal parts. The thing is, it is important for people you are in relationships with to have a two-way dynamic. Other relationships, like assignments, may be imbalanced, but vital relationships, like those with Life Board™ members, should be interdependent and mutual in nature.

Does their presence contribute to my growth? Reflect on whether the relationship encourages confidence, accountability, emotional wellness, or joy.

To get to a season in life where you are intentional about growth and notice you have people around you who are nonchalant about seeing you grow is not good. Some people whom I see in the limelight in politics, government, and entertainment, I think, can’t have any friends or people. Living in a world where “yes men” come a dime a dozen, it is important to evaluate if those around you really help to catapult you to the next level and to the next level.

Now, I have a question for you: Who have you given access to your life, and have they earned the privilege of occupying that seat? Remember, having people around you is not the same as having the right people around you. Be intentional about who you allow to sit on your Life Board™ because the people you surround yourself with can influence the direction of your life.

If you need help assessing your relationships or designing your personal Life Board™, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com.

The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available if you prefer a self-guided approach to identifying the people you need to build community and live a flourishing life.

The Wellness Partner – Caring for the Whole Self

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Oftentimes, this member, The Wellness Partner, is overlooked when it comes to designing your personal Life Board™ of Directors. It is essential to make sure those around you are living a healthy lifestyle. You may think it is inconsequential, but it is crucial to living a flourishing life. How, do you ask?

Here are 3 ways The Wellness Partner helps you care for the whole self:

1. They encourage healthy habits.

They motivate you to prioritize your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being through healthy lifestyle choices.

If I am a speaker, but I am binging on sweets and alcohol while speaking across the globe, then I may feel energized at the beginning of the speaking engagement but crash soon thereafter. Or, if the speaker is mentally unwell, those who invited them to the event or even the audience may notice that something is off.

How this person helps you in this area is by encouraging you to increase healthy habits in your lifestyle.

2. They support balance and self-care.

They recognize when you are overwhelmed and encourage you to establish boundaries, rest, and make time for yourself.

Have you ever been around a person who looks tired or becomes irritated easily during neutral situations? More than likely, they lack balance and self-care. This member may help you see that balance is needed to be successful.

A well-rested person is able to make better and wiser decisions. They mention things like having capacity and realizing when you don’t have the capacity to deal with certain situations or family members at certain times.

3. They promote holistic growth.

They hold you accountable for nurturing every aspect of your well-being and encourage you to build a life that is healthy, balanced, and flourishing.

The accountability piece is always a big factor in us achieving our goals in life. If an idea or goal is kept to yourself, you can always hit that snooze button on the clock of success.

This member won’t let you set the alarm for every five minutes until you decide to get up to tackle your goals. They will call you out and challenge you to get up the first time that alarm goes off.

Now, I have a question for you: Who is The Wellness Partner in your life? Who encourages you to take care of yourself, reminds you to rest when necessary, and challenges you to develop healthy habits?

Remember, building a flourishing life requires more than setting goals. It requires surrounding yourself with people who support your overall well-being. Be intentional about who sits on your Life Board™.

If you need help identifying your Wellness Partner or designing your personal Life Board™, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com.

The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available if you prefer a self-guided approach to building your community with intention.

The Values Twin- Aligned to the Core

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I’ve read that one’s values act as an “internal compass,” guiding one to make decisions, serving as the catalyst for our behaviors or actions, and giving us motivation to live life to the fullest. When there is an intrinsic or internal conflict within, it can make us unbalanced. For instance, if God is at the top of my values hierarchy, but my life lacks character, then my life patterns are incongruent with my top value.

Incongruence can show up with the people in your life as well. Have you heard the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” When that mismatch happens in relationship dynamics, it can be detrimental to your future. I have personally known people who were “just in the car” with someone who committed a crime. This made the person in the car an accessory to a crime.

That is why it is essential to surround yourself with people who are your Values Twins. Here are 3 things to consider when deciphering who your Values Twin is:

Identifying Your Core Values

There are countless assessments or ways to identify what your values are. An exercise that I have done before is writing my own obituary. It is a bit of reverse engineering. I read somewhere that the dash on an obituary is the most important thing. Not the day you were born, nor the day you die. It is the dash that is most crucial because it tells the story of what you did while on earth.

Sure, you can get a worksheet that lists countless values, but this exercise was the most vital exercise I have done to help me understand what legacy I wanted to be known for.

Surrounding Yourself with Aligned People

Remember when I used the old adage “birds of a feather” earlier in this post? Who you encircle yourself with can be a gift and a curse. I already gave an example of the shadow side of the company you keep having negative consequences. How it can be a positive thing is if the person you are around practices positivity, has healthy relationships, and sharpens you.

There is a scripture that says, “Iron sharpens iron,” that applies here. That is why it is important to have people around you with the same or similar values that you have.

Protecting Your Character and Purpose

Having a Values Twin definitely fortifies your character and purpose. Having someone with polar-end values weakens your foundation and can take you off track from achieving your goals and living a flourishing life.

Your Values Twin doesn’t have to think exactly like you, make every decision you make, or live an identical life. The important thing is having someone in your community whose core values align with the principles that matter most to you. When you are intentional about who sits on your Life Board™, you aren’t just choosing people to spend time with—you are choosing people who can influence the direction of your life.

So, ask yourself: Who in my life shares the values that I want reflected in the life I’m building?

If you need help identifying your values or deciphering who belongs on your Life Board™, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com.

If you prefer to explore this work independently, Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available to help you intentionally examine the people you need around you to build community and live a flourishing life.

The Accountability Partner – Challenging Growth

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Accountability Partner: Someone you trust to hold you accountable for the goals, commitments, and changes you said you wanted to make.

I had a conversation with a client who is struggling with communication in her marriage. When she attempts to convey a message to her husband, he says that she is “irritating” him. There is a cultural dynamic at play, with both of them growing up and living out the Nigerian culture. He doesn’t care for outsiders being involved in their relationship. So, I probe to find out if he has a father or father figure, a friend, or a pastor who guides him or provides constructive criticism. My client answered no. So then I get direct and ask the question: “So he doesn’t have anyone to hold him accountable or check him on his behaviors?” She responded once again, saying no.

I tend to stay away from people who don’t answer to anybody or have anyone in their lives to hold them accountable. This world is full of yes and wing men (women). I’ve always said I don’t want those kinds of people around me. I want and need people who will challenge me and hold me accountable to make sure I am living a life aligned with my values. Not only that, I need someone to check in with me to find out if I have done the things that I said I would do.

What follows are three qualities to look for in your Accountability Partner:

They challenge you. They aren’t afraid to ask the uncomfortable question: “You said you were going to do it. What happened?” I look at this point as being related to the iron sharpens iron scripture. If you’ve ever tried to cut something with a dull blade, you find out the hard way that this doesn’t work. In life, most things that are good call for being uncomfortable and even painful at times in order to see growth. Recall those first workouts that you’ve done and couldn’t move for days afterward. I need a challenger who tells me to get my behind out of bed and go to the gym despite the pain.

They check on you. Accountability requires follow-up. They remind you of what you said you wanted to accomplish and remain consistent with checking in on your progress toward your goals. This is the supportive facet of an accountability partner, providing reinforcement on your journey of realizing your goals or the things you hope to accomplish. Sure, we all need intrinsic or internal motivation to get her done, but extrinsic or external motivation is instrumental in seeing progress.

They share honest feedback. A good accountability partner will not hold back critiques that are vital to your success. Some of the constructive criticism may even hurt your feelings a little. That is the price to pay in order to have someone to “keep it real” with you. I have seen people do things on social media or carry on in public and have thought that that person can’t have any true friends or anyone holding them accountable. In safe spaces, even hard-to-hear truths can be spoken.

I belong to a wonderful coaching community called Daniels Den and have marveled at the amount of support and accountability present in the group. I have seen coaches reinforce the idea of accountability partners and have members give status updates on the things that were mentioned previously. Whether it is losing weight, updating that outdated résumé, or finishing the outline of a book, do not do it alone.

If you need to find out more about The Accountability Partner and their role, or even need a safe accountability partner through counseling or coaching, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com. The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available if you choose a self-guided approach to accountability.

The Cheerleader- Encouragement in Action

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Ever since I was a little girl, I was reminded of who I am by a special person in my life—my mother. I knew if no one else believed in me, my mom, Vivian, did. In fact, my mom has been such a cheerleader for me that I often joked that if I told my mom I was going to the moon, she would say that I could and buy me items for outer space. My mother has always been my biggest cheerleader.

Now I have to ask you a question: Who is the cheerleader in your life? If you are searching your mind to identify who that person is, let me help you by giving you some qualities to look for. Here are 3 qualities The Cheerleader should have:

They affirm you

Your cheerleader is a living affirmation. They offer you praise without hesitation, complimenting you on the progress you are making. They boost your confidence when you dare to doubt your ability to shine. They stand by you as you step outside your comfort zone, experiencing a life that is thriving. The cheerleader in your life rubber-stamps and validates your strengths without shame, telling you, “You’ve got this!!”

They celebrate you

Your cheerleader not only roots for you but will be the loudest one proclaiming that you won. This form of recognition is encouragement in action. The action may look like taking you out to eat, throwing you a party, or giving you a call, commemorating and rejoicing in your accomplishments, big and small. I have a peer from a coaching group named Alicia who not only celebrates my accomplishments but called me excited when I shared that my son graduated from grad school. That blew my mind—that a person not only rejoiced at my successes but also at the successes of someone I cherish and love.

They remind you of who you are

Your cheerleader reminds you of who you are. Sometimes this world serves you blows that make it hard to see how far you have come. This person honors and helps you recall your résumé. They won’t let you forget that triumph you had when you were the underdog or when others doubted your success. They remind you of what you are called to do and your purpose on this planet. Your cheerleader awakens memories to help you recall your accolades.

As I have said while introducing the concept of a Life Board™, your next breakthrough isn’t a better mindset but better people. We all need community to be our best selves. I hope this article helps you realize that you have to be intentional about designing a team that helps propel you to a flourishing life.

If you need help with designing your Life Board™, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com. The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available to help you identify the people needed for success in life.

Your Next Breakthrough Isn’t a Better Mindset—It’s Better People

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During this quarter, we are going to switch things up a little. Over the past year or so, the focus has been on imposter syndrome. Well, now we will venture into another area of focus that is just as consequential outside of believing in yourself—your community.

I have learned how valuable community is in living a successful life. As my mentor and coach says very often, “You cannot be your best self by yourself.” Not one lie told!

The reason that I have been able to write—not only this blog, but in different areas—and fulfill my dreams lately is because God has granted me favor in meeting people who, in some form or fashion, have helped support me.

There are certain roles that have been instrumental in helping me change the trajectory of my life. Those seven roles are:

Peer – Someone who grows alongside you, shares the journey, and sharpens you through mutual support.

Mentor – Someone who has gone before you and offers wisdom, guidance, and perspective for your next steps.

Cheerleader – Someone who believes in you, celebrates your wins, and reminds you of your strengths when you forget.

Accountability Partner – Someone who lovingly challenges you to honor your commitments and become your best self.

Values Twin – Someone whose character and core values align with yours, helping you stay true to your purpose.

Wellness Partner – Someone who encourages you to care for your mind, body, and spirit so you can thrive.

Leisure Companion – Someone who reminds you to laugh, rest, play, and enjoy the journey of life.

As you read, don’t be disheartened if there are gaps in your essential community members, or what I call your Life Board members. I found that I had a lot of gaps, but I am now reassured because I have a framework to be intentional about building my Life Board.

If you are interested in creating the kind of community that will help you finish these last two quarters of the year successfully, call Nekeshia Limuel, LPC at 832-779-3039 or email merakicounseling@outlook.com. I look forward to hearing from you.