Accountability Partner: Someone you trust to hold you accountable for the goals, commitments, and changes you said you wanted to make.

I had a conversation with a client who is struggling with communication in her marriage. When she attempts to convey a message to her husband, he says that she is “irritating” him. There is a cultural dynamic at play, with both of them growing up and living out the Nigerian culture. He doesn’t care for outsiders being involved in their relationship. So, I probe to find out if he has a father or father figure, a friend, or a pastor who guides him or provides constructive criticism. My client answered no. So then I get direct and ask the question: “So he doesn’t have anyone to hold him accountable or check him on his behaviors?” She responded once again, saying no.

I tend to stay away from people who don’t answer to anybody or have anyone in their lives to hold them accountable. This world is full of yes and wing men (women). I’ve always said I don’t want those kinds of people around me. I want and need people who will challenge me and hold me accountable to make sure I am living a life aligned with my values. Not only that, I need someone to check in with me to find out if I have done the things that I said I would do.

What follows are three qualities to look for in your Accountability Partner:

They challenge you. They aren’t afraid to ask the uncomfortable question: “You said you were going to do it. What happened?” I look at this point as being related to the iron sharpens iron scripture. If you’ve ever tried to cut something with a dull blade, you find out the hard way that this doesn’t work. In life, most things that are good call for being uncomfortable and even painful at times in order to see growth. Recall those first workouts that you’ve done and couldn’t move for days afterward. I need a challenger who tells me to get my behind out of bed and go to the gym despite the pain.

They check on you. Accountability requires follow-up. They remind you of what you said you wanted to accomplish and remain consistent with checking in on your progress toward your goals. This is the supportive facet of an accountability partner, providing reinforcement on your journey of realizing your goals or the things you hope to accomplish. Sure, we all need intrinsic or internal motivation to get her done, but extrinsic or external motivation is instrumental in seeing progress.

They share honest feedback. A good accountability partner will not hold back critiques that are vital to your success. Some of the constructive criticism may even hurt your feelings a little. That is the price to pay in order to have someone to “keep it real” with you. I have seen people do things on social media or carry on in public and have thought that that person can’t have any true friends or anyone holding them accountable. In safe spaces, even hard-to-hear truths can be spoken.

I belong to a wonderful coaching community called Daniels Den and have marveled at the amount of support and accountability present in the group. I have seen coaches reinforce the idea of accountability partners and have members give status updates on the things that were mentioned previously. Whether it is losing weight, updating that outdated résumé, or finishing the outline of a book, do not do it alone.

If you need to find out more about The Accountability Partner and their role, or even need a safe accountability partner through counseling or coaching, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com. The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available if you choose a self-guided approach to accountability.