Tag Archives: love

5 Things to Look for in a Safe Relationship

Leave a reply

Have you ever opened up to someone only to regret giving them access to your personal life? I have! Lately, I’ve been thinking about the importance of creating safe spaces for those I interact with, both professionally and personally. I’ve learned that just because someone is familiar doesn’t mean they are safe. Safety is foundational to building trust, intimacy, and meaningful connections.

Now, what makes you feel safe in a relationship may look totally different from what makes me feel safe. However, I believe there are certain qualities that should be present before we allow others access to our personal lives. I want to share five things to look for in a relationship that should serve as the currency of trust before we open up to others.

1. Respects Boundaries

I think that so many people operate in relationships without having clear boundaries. Some may even struggle with setting boundaries with people they love, let alone people they are just meeting.

I dealt with a situation where I was called mean because I didn’t allow a person that I share a lot of DNA with to know where I stayed due to her being in a toxic relationship where police were often called out.

Well, a person can call me whatever they want, but I have the belief that your home is your sanctuary. Eventually, they came around to the fact that in order to deal with me, they had to respect my boundaries in the same way that I respect and HONOR the rules you put in place for interactions.

2. Takes Accountability

Have you ever dealt with anyone who does not own the impact their actions had on you? It shows maturity to be able to take RESPONSIBILITY and apologize for the impact it had on another person.

The person who takes accountability by acknowledging their wrongs and/or mistakes is showing that they are able to have empathy towards others. Steer clear of a person who never owns up to the way their actions have affected you.

3. Offers Grace and Safety

I often say, “Everybody has a past.” This statement is rooted in my belief that no one is able to judge another person.

In order to feel safe around others, one has to feel like they are not being judged for what they have done or are currently doing.

As a counselor, I have seen so many people confide in me, not just because I am ethically and legally bound to hold their confidence, but because they feel secure that I have curated a “no judgment” environment.

The same MERCY that I want God and others to show me, I am intentional about showing others, both professionally and personally.

4. Shows Consistency

A couple of concepts that I have learned from my mentor and coach, Dr. Dharius Daniels, are the “currency of trust” and to “examine their fruit” with others you allow to have access to you.

Oftentimes, we set ourselves up for failure when we automatically open up to others without them building that trust or interact based on potential.

Trust has to be earned, and each interaction should be a deposit towards trust and not a withdrawal.

The second concept is not about judging but acting objectively by paying attention to a person’s ACTIONS OVER TIME.

5. Encourages Growth

In order to feel safe in a relationship, you should have the space to grow in life. Anyone who wants to keep you in a stunted state or keep the old you from becoming who you’re meant to be is a red flag.

They support and celebrate you learning and moving towards progress, even if that means you are moving away.

They won’t minimize your accomplishments with remarks like “Your little ________” (fill in the blanks with whatever successes).

I belong to a wonderful community called Daniels Den that encourages and celebrates growth. In fact, we hold steadfast to the Kaizen principle, where our mantra is “We grow until we go!”

There is always room for growth and DEVELOPMENT.

Building Your Life Board™

As you think about the people you allow into your life, ask yourself: Are these relationships providing the safety, support, and space I need to grow? Remember, having people around you is not the same as having the right people around you.

If you’re ready to become more intentional about building your community, explore my guided journal, Life Board: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You.

You can also contact Nekeshia Limuel, LPC, at Meraki Counseling Services at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com to learn more about building confidence and community.

Which of these five qualities do you value most in your relationships? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Who Has a Seat on Your Life Board™?

Leave a reply

You have people around you, but are they the right people? It’s easy to let life get you wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of things. Before you know it, you have 700 friends on social media and don’t really know 100 of them. True story! Some of us may have even been filling seats just so they won’t be empty.

My mentor and coach, Dr. Dharius Daniels, often says something that is so essential when it comes to relationships: “Access is a privilege, not a right. It’s earned, not owed. Don’t allow people to mismanage their access to you.”

3 Questions to Ask Before Giving Someone Access to Your Life:

Are they aligned with my values? Examine whether their character, priorities, and behaviors support the life you’re intentionally building.

Now that you are well-versed in the seven different members you should have on your Life Board™, it’s time to hone in on the assessment of values. It is true: birds of a feather flock together. I have been able to sit on a dock of the Mississippi River in Louisiana and just observe the wildlife. What I find very interesting is how, if one bird flies in a certain direction, all the others do the same. I know we are not talking about wildlife, but we are talking about human nature. It is quite common to begin to do and say the same things as the persons you spend the most time with.

Is the relationship reciprocal? Consider whether support, encouragement, and effort flow in both directions.

Most people have been in a lopsided relationship at some point in their lives. It doesn’t feel good at all to end up being the person who carries a relationship. Don’t get me wrong; I know that relationships are never really 50/50 or equal parts. The thing is, it is important for people you are in relationships with to have a two-way dynamic. Other relationships, like assignments, may be imbalanced, but vital relationships, like those with Life Board™ members, should be interdependent and mutual in nature.

Does their presence contribute to my growth? Reflect on whether the relationship encourages confidence, accountability, emotional wellness, or joy.

To get to a season in life where you are intentional about growth and notice you have people around you who are nonchalant about seeing you grow is not good. Some people whom I see in the limelight in politics, government, and entertainment, I think, can’t have any friends or people. Living in a world where “yes men” come a dime a dozen, it is important to evaluate if those around you really help to catapult you to the next level and to the next level.

Now, I have a question for you: Who have you given access to your life, and have they earned the privilege of occupying that seat? Remember, having people around you is not the same as having the right people around you. Be intentional about who you allow to sit on your Life Board™ because the people you surround yourself with can influence the direction of your life.

If you need help assessing your relationships or designing your personal Life Board™, don’t hesitate to reach out to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com.

The Life Board™: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You is also available if you prefer a self-guided approach to identifying the people you need to build community and live a flourishing life.

From Intimidation to Impact: Lessons from My First Women’s Conference

Leave a reply

After attending my first women’s conference as a vendor, I have to tell you all about it.

To be honest, I am in a season where I am intimidated by new ventures. When the opportunity arose for me to be a vendor at The Healing Seat event, I dove in feet first. I never want to pass up an opportunity that is aligned with my niche and metron of serving women, especially women of color.

However, I want to be transparent in sharing that, after looking at the panelists’ and curator’s résumés, I was afraid. There was also a learning curve because I had never been a vendor before. I learned three lessons as I prepared for and attended the event.

1. Social Comparison

I really believed that I would be out of my element doing this event. Here is where the imposter syndrome kicked in. I overprepared. I had so much stuff, including my journals, table props, and freebies, that I could not put everything on the table.

The perfectionist kicked in, and although I know there is no such thing as perfection, I attempted to make my table perfect.

The morning I set up, I watched one lady blow up balloons and another pull out well-polished banners and books for her vendor table. Social comparison came into play when I asked the curator’s mom, “How does my table look?” and then braced myself for the critique.

I was totally surprised when she said, “It looks good.”

That day, I received so many compliments from other vendors, panelists, and attendees. I learned that this was several women’s first time as vendors, too, and they had a learning curve just as I did. There was no need to compare.

2. Stay Ready So You Don’t Have to Get Ready

I got a nudge from God to work on my businesses (I am also a genealogist) before the vendor opportunity became available. I had interest in participating in a fair in East Texas, where my maternal roots are.

I have dozens of journals and books lying dormant in files on various platforms that I have not self-published yet. I also have just as many creative ideas—bookmarks, shirts, and other paraphernalia—written in composition notebooks, waiting to get off the page and into reality.

So, I found myself doing so much during the last month leading up to the event. What I learned is that, in order to stay sane, I need to do a little bit every month so I am not ordering books, banners, and promotional items at the last minute.

3. Show Up and Be Present

If I had continued comparing myself during the event and wondering if my table was good enough, I would have missed out on some wonderful opportunities to glean from the women in the room.

There were so many moving parts and people that I could have missed the very purpose of the event—to experience faith and fellowship in a safe and healing environment.

As the panelists shared their testimonies and the attendees asked questions, I could see that my narrative and life story paralleled theirs. I learned to take a deep breath and sit back to enjoy the scenery and the gift before me—life experiences, love, and compassion.

I met so many women and networked throughout this conference. Although I did not sell as many journals as I had hoped, I experienced something much greater and priceless…connection and true healing.

Yes, I ugly cried at one point, overwhelmed with gratitude and relief after accomplishing my first event.

Healing does not happen in isolation. We were designed by God to be interdependent. As my coach and mentor, Dr. Dharius Daniels, often says, “You can’t be your best self by yourself.”

Don’t do it alone. Reach out today to Nekeshia c/o Meraki Counseling at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com, and let me walk with you on your journey of self-discovery.