Have you ever opened up to someone only to regret giving them access to your personal life? I have! Lately, I’ve been thinking about the importance of creating safe spaces for those I interact with, both professionally and personally. I’ve learned that just because someone is familiar doesn’t mean they are safe. Safety is foundational to building trust, intimacy, and meaningful connections.

Now, what makes you feel safe in a relationship may look totally different from what makes me feel safe. However, I believe there are certain qualities that should be present before we allow others access to our personal lives. I want to share five things to look for in a relationship that should serve as the currency of trust before we open up to others.

1. Respects Boundaries

I think that so many people operate in relationships without having clear boundaries. Some may even struggle with setting boundaries with people they love, let alone people they are just meeting.

I dealt with a situation where I was called mean because I didn’t allow a person that I share a lot of DNA with to know where I stayed due to her being in a toxic relationship where police were often called out.

Well, a person can call me whatever they want, but I have the belief that your home is your sanctuary. Eventually, they came around to the fact that in order to deal with me, they had to respect my boundaries in the same way that I respect and HONOR the rules you put in place for interactions.

2. Takes Accountability

Have you ever dealt with anyone who does not own the impact their actions had on you? It shows maturity to be able to take RESPONSIBILITY and apologize for the impact it had on another person.

The person who takes accountability by acknowledging their wrongs and/or mistakes is showing that they are able to have empathy towards others. Steer clear of a person who never owns up to the way their actions have affected you.

3. Offers Grace and Safety

I often say, “Everybody has a past.” This statement is rooted in my belief that no one is able to judge another person.

In order to feel safe around others, one has to feel like they are not being judged for what they have done or are currently doing.

As a counselor, I have seen so many people confide in me, not just because I am ethically and legally bound to hold their confidence, but because they feel secure that I have curated a “no judgment” environment.

The same MERCY that I want God and others to show me, I am intentional about showing others, both professionally and personally.

4. Shows Consistency

A couple of concepts that I have learned from my mentor and coach, Dr. Dharius Daniels, are the “currency of trust” and to “examine their fruit” with others you allow to have access to you.

Oftentimes, we set ourselves up for failure when we automatically open up to others without them building that trust or interact based on potential.

Trust has to be earned, and each interaction should be a deposit towards trust and not a withdrawal.

The second concept is not about judging but acting objectively by paying attention to a person’s ACTIONS OVER TIME.

5. Encourages Growth

In order to feel safe in a relationship, you should have the space to grow in life. Anyone who wants to keep you in a stunted state or keep the old you from becoming who you’re meant to be is a red flag.

They support and celebrate you learning and moving towards progress, even if that means you are moving away.

They won’t minimize your accomplishments with remarks like “Your little ________” (fill in the blanks with whatever successes).

I belong to a wonderful community called Daniels Den that encourages and celebrates growth. In fact, we hold steadfast to the Kaizen principle, where our mantra is “We grow until we go!”

There is always room for growth and DEVELOPMENT.

Building Your Life Board™

As you think about the people you allow into your life, ask yourself: Are these relationships providing the safety, support, and space I need to grow? Remember, having people around you is not the same as having the right people around you.

If you’re ready to become more intentional about building your community, explore my guided journal, Life Board: A Guided Journal to Reflect on the People Who Anchor, Affirm, and Align You.

You can also contact Nekeshia Limuel, LPC, at Meraki Counseling Services at 832-779-3039 or merakicounseling@outlook.com to learn more about building confidence and community.

Which of these five qualities do you value most in your relationships? I’d love to hear your thoughts.